If you've been paying attention
You'll know the world's going in a bad direction
Boneheaded books about positive psychology
Are just about the only growth industry

Some say the world will be a better place
If you just learn to smile more and look happy
If you're like me
This'll make you feel
Not so much annoyed as violently stabby

Still I believe
I believe
I believe

The inspirational quotes that are shoved down your throat by singers and mediocre authors
Might not necessarily just be vacuous lies
And the stains you see on public toilet walls are messages from aliens
Saying it's gonna be alright

Everywhere I see nauseatingly happy couples with pet names for each other
Who think it's cute when their partner snores
The kinds of people who encourage each other at the gym, play boardgames together
And don't even need a lock for the bathroom door

When they look at me they tilt their heads and frown
And say not to worry. There's someone out there for me
And I believe that beyond the sea, behind a waterfall in a forgotten forest
I'll finally find a place to have a wank in peace

Believe
Believe
Believe

That all the flirts that you didn't quite score
Will come back and give you one chance more

Your sexual dreams will all come to pass
Because thankfully you're an unimaginative ass

And all your enemies will get their comeuppance
Just as you're achieving penetration of the tuppence

And that couple with a happy, sickly smile
Will have a mishap during a sixty-nine

I Believe
Believe
And that's why they won't publish a self-help book by me